People never cease to amaze me

I recieved a phone call today from Billie. This is not unusual and was actually the third call so far today (in fairness one was her returning my call), but this particular call was good enough for me to break my month-long hiatus from posting. Before I tell you what the call was about, let me give a bit of pertinent info.
Our home in Arkansas is for sale and the listing agent is none other than Billie’s mom, Debbie, hence her sign is in the front yard.
We pay a guy to mow the lawn once a week.
Debbie called me last week to ask me if it was okay to let said lawn guy do some tree trimming and such for an additional charge (I said yes).

Ok, I will now present the story I heard just a bit ago.

Earlier today Debbie found out that a woman had come by her office to see her. This woman had a bill from a dealership for replacing a side mirror. This woman claimed that she was driving down my street and that a branch ripped off her side mirror. She was dropping this bill of so that she could be reimbursed by me for this. This bill was for $37.00. Debbie went to her broker to see how she should handle this problem. He told her to let it go as there was no way to prove that the mirror was ripped of by my tree limb and even if there was, since it was a public road I would not be liable.
So Debbie didn’t call the woman back and instead told Billie about it who called me. That’s the end of the story. Unremarkable I know, but this story brings up a few questions.
1. How did this person come into contact with a branch from my tree? The tree is trimmed and since yard waste is picked up in the alley, there shouldn’t have been limbs sitting on the curb. Did they drive into my yard? Is their vehicle equipped with one of those power boosters a la Arthur Weasley from Harry Potter lore that made it possible to propel their car 10 feet off the ground in order to connect with the top of my tree? Speaking of magic, maybe my tree is alive like the apple trees in the Wizard of Oz and it reached out and grabbed the side mirror in an act of aggression.
2. How did a tree limb manage to rip a side mirror off of a vehicle? The only tree in my yard is a Sweet Gum tree, and anyone who has ever had one of these knows that this type of tree has branches that can be broken by a light wind. There is no way that one of these branches ripped anything from a passing car. If they had driven their car into my yard and side-swiped the Sweet Gum, the trunk could have knocked it off… but that’s the only way.
3. Who would try to get reimbursed for $37.00? It’s not like that’s a lot of money… this is a trip to Applebee’s or Friday’s…. My embarrassment over hitting a tree in someone’s yard would keep me from ever trying to get the owner of the tree to repay me for my mistake.
So in closing, Wayne V*****y (I’ve edited the name on the bill to protect the moronic), count yourself lucky that it only cost $37.00 – that’s a small price to pay for hitting a tree, or making up a story, or being in cahoots with the Devil himself (ok, only one person who reads this blog will get that one, but I might be able to increase that number by a couple more if I mention that the bill was from Reeder-Simco, though if the Devil himself were involved the bill would have been more like $3700.00).

In other news, the gallery has been updated with pictures from my semi-recent trip to Arkansas. I may someday post about the events that transpired on this trip. Someday when I’m heavily medicated and not likely to say mean things about people. But it will most likely focus heavily on the merits of a soon to be legendary band called Sticky Hungwell and the Blowup Dolls (and my father who wants it made clear that he is not a member of this band and only “sits in” with them every time they play a gig and every Sunday for practice), and the dangers of guns, and how I came to love a dog that represents everything I hate about small dogs, and not so much about people who inspire me to never return to Arkansas again.

’till then, cheers!


2 Comments on “People never cease to amaze me”

  1. Jim says:

    Clearly the tree must be a Whomping Willow, and not a Sweet Gum.

    Welcome back to Washington! 🙂

  2. Billie says:

    I notice your continual references to witches (Harry Potter, Wizard of Oz, etc.) Next you’ll be posting references to “Bewitched” or even “I Dream of Jeanie”. If you continue this behavior, I’ll make sure that your postings are banned for good! 🙂 I’ll have to have some help from the Southern Baptists, but I know where I can find them. (No offense intended to my sweet, magic hating Southern Baptist friends who don’t really mean any harm.)
    Okay – another scenario is that this person was in need of the $37 to pay his water bill. Perhaps he has a wife and kids at home in need of a good bath and he was in danger of getting his water cut off. So he drove by your house, saw an unsightly limb and a real estate sign and went right over to Reeder Simco to get his friend (who owed him a favor, of course) to write a fake receipt. If you would only pay the $37 you just may be keeping a poor family clean during these hot summer months! Or – then again, maybe the Devil forged the receipt.

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