Everyone’s Got Those Relatives

Well, I suppose it’ll be in tomorrow’s Times Record (for those of you who don’t or haven’t lived in Fort Smith, Arkansas, that’s the local paper). My Cousin-In-Law, if there is such a term, has been arrested for kidnapping, running a meth lab, and various other charges. Apparantly he’s singing like a canary in an attempt to plea-down his charges, but however it goes I’m sure he’ll spend some time in the penn. People who know me well will have heard me talk about this branch of the family. They’re the Roland branch as I call them.

So, based on the story I’ve heard, basically two weeks ago a man was strung up and shot somewhere in Oklahoma (some bumfuck town I don’t remember the name of). Tom, my Cousin’s husband, was apparantly in some way involved. Basically, this man was kidnapped, tied up and shot. Tom’s gun was used in the shooting. He apparantly reported the gun stolen, but, not being the sharpest knife in the drawer, obviously this linked him to the crime. For the last two weeks or so they’ve been staying in a $70/night hotel room in Fort Smith, supposedly because the police were using their trailer (yes, they live in a trailer) to observe some mobile home that’s parked on their property. Has anyone heard anything quite so proposterous? That story is about as paper thin as they come. First of all, he’s a pizza delivery driver, and while there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s an honorable profession, but there’s no way he’s staying for 2 or 3 weeks in a $70/night hotel on a pizza delivery drivers salary. I guess no one noticed him buying up large quantities of Sudafed. How do people think they can get away with running a meth lab? You can smell the thing for blocks around. I guess if these people were smart they probably wouldn’t be doing such dumbass shit.

Anyways, I could rant on for pages about the stupidity of some of my relatives. I’m sure all of you understand, as most of the people who I know will read this have some of those relatives. My Cousin was also arested for Marijuana possession and related paraphenalia. She’s been bailed out by her parents. Who’s to say what she’ll do without him to support her, or what DHS will do with her children. Those poor kids. Oh well, best of luck to them and their four children as they continue down the road of living a white trash lifestyle.

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One Comment on “Everyone’s Got Those Relatives”

  1. Ash says:

    I’m glad you can identify with me in the realm of trashy/criminal relatives. Oddly enough, my great uncle (they call him “gordo”) once kidnapped and strung a guy up. Instead of just shooting him though, Gordo doused the man in gasoline and torched him in front of my dad’s youngest brother. But it was in LA. The police never found him and the children were never taken away. Those poor kids is right. But at least in this situation, something has come along that will possibly get those children out of an unsafe home and into one where they will at least sleep at night without the possibility of being blown up in a meth lab explosion or shot in result of a bad drug deal.


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